This post is in continuation of my last post, which you can see here! I basically expressed how I was struggling with life and trying to figure things out. Expressing all of that allowed me to see that I needed to be RESET! First I will share my personal testimony, and then I will share what steps I took that allowed me to be reset.
How I knew I needed to be RESET
How do you know you need to be reset you ask? Well, I can’t tell you how you feel, but I can tell you how I felt:
- I felt lost and I was living without purpose
- I felt drained no matter how much rest I had
- Everything felt like too much, and I do mean EVERYTHING!
- I was emotionally unstable. The smallest thing could trigger the deepest emotion within me.
- I was often conflicted. I wanted to do something, but I physically couldn’t. I knew how I should handle certain situations, but mentally I couldn’t push through.
And now all of this was mixed with some anxiety:
- Due to being drained, emotionally unstable, and conflicted, I could not organize my thoughts and feelings. For me this is the WORST feeling ever!
- I was having chest pains and trouble breathing.
- Heart palpitations (feeling like your heart is beating too fast or too hard)
- I had trouble sleeping at night because I couldn’t turn my thoughts off
- I felt like something bad was going to happen at any second (If you know me, you know I like to be prepared for the absolute worse, so imagine thinking the worse in every situation and preparing yourself for stuff that may not ever happen. Crazy, right?!)
- I felt the need to avoid anything that I knew would trigger a breakdown for me:
- Certain Conversations
- Untidy House (So I stayed in my room to myself)
- Being around a lot of people (Especially people that knows me like a book. They know when something is wrong no matter how hard I tried to cover it up.)
As you can see, I had a lot going on in this little head of mine. And to sum it all up, I had no PEACE! Most people wouldn’t have ever known by looking at me. I got good with not letting my anxiety effect other people, especially my husband and kids. However, now I’m seeing that this time I wasn’t dealing with my troubles internally. I did not let Jesus do his job. I did not ask for help. I became disconnected.
How can you be RESET
This past weekend, I focused my entire being on how could I be reset. I want to share with you how I got through all this in two loaded steps:
- Confess & Repent. For me, this was the hardest thing to do because I was stuck on how did I even get to place I was at. My anxiety was at an all time high and made me want answers, I couldn’t figure out how I allowed myself to get to that point. I like to know answers to stuff because in my head I believe if I know why, then I would never allow it to happen again. This was a trick of the devil and my husband helped point that out to me! He helped me see that the devil is just trying to keep my mind in a state of confusion so that I will never make it out. This reminded me of the Scripture:
Proverbs 3:5-6 New Century Version (NCV)
5 Trust the Lord with all your heart,
and don’t depend on your own understanding.
6 Remember the Lord in all you do,
and he will give you success.
Minister Beard said, “It don’t matter how you got here! It matters that you know you are here, you are alive, and you have a chance to make it right!” He was so right! I instantly felt God’s grace. Death could have caught me before I made it back to Jesus, but thank you Jesus it didn’t. I don’t want youu to underestimate the power of confessing with your lips! Read the verse below:
James 5:16 New Century Version (NCV)
16 Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so God can heal you. When a believing person prays, great things happen.
When I confessed to my husband the wrong i had done, I felt so shamed. So unworthy. I was remorseful. It’s an awful feeling to know that you have disappointed the one(s) you love the most. In my case it was God and my husband. But how many of you know that it’s that exact feeling that will keep you from making the same mistakes! After all, that’s the meaning of repentance. Instead of beating me while I was down, I received love, support, encouragement, and most importantly FORGIVENESS!
2. Wait on the Lord. This is also VERY important. Read the scripture below:
Isaiah 40:31 King James Version (KJV)
31 But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
I like the KJV better for this one! We need to wait for the Lord to give us all the tools we need to make it out and to STAY out! I have tried things on my own strength and baby…you see I’m writing this blog post so that should tell you it didn’t work LOL. Well, what should you do while you wait you ask? Fast! Here are some of the things I did:
- I picked up on my Luke Bible study.
- I eliminated distractions (social media, TV, online window shopping LOL).
- I meditated often. I prayed and I talked to my husband about life.
- I thought about things that made me happy (traveling, my kids, the goodness of God, etc.)
God will restore, support, and strengthen you just as he did for me! Then, he will place you a firm foundation! Not a foundation that is unstable, but a firm one!! That’s what you get when you wait on the Lord!
If you are having trouble praying, you can pray the prayer David did in Psalms 51! I found this scripture after I had been reset, and it hit everything I needed and felt before I was delivered! Here is his Prayer:
A Prayer for Forgiveness
For the director of music. A psalm of David when the prophet Nathan came to David after David’s sin with Bathsheba.
51 God, be merciful to me
because you are loving.
Because you are always ready to be merciful,
wipe out all my wrongs.
2 Wash away all my guilt
and make me clean again.
3 I know about my wrongs,
and I can’t forget my sin.
4 You are the only one I have sinned against;
I have done what you say is wrong.
You are right when you speak
and fair when you judge.
5 I was brought into this world in sin.
In sin my mother gave birth to me.
6 You want me to be completely truthful,
so teach me wisdom.
7 Take away my sin, and I will be clean.
Wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Make me hear sounds of joy and gladness;
let the bones you crushed be happy again.
9 Turn your face from my sins
and wipe out all my guilt.
10 Create in me a pure heart, God,
and make my spirit right again.
11 Do not send me away from you
or take your Holy Spirit away from me.
12 Give me back the joy of your salvation.
Keep me strong by giving me a willing spirit.
13 Then I will teach your ways to those who do wrong,
and sinners will turn back to you.
One thing I do want to say is that I created this post AFTER I went through it! These are things that helped me get out of my funk! I would’ve never been able to write this if I didn’t go through it myself. I knew that I wanted to share it with you all because it was something God allowed me to go through and to get through! I hope with sharing this, somebody else will be able to RESET and continue to run the race God has given us 🙂
My husband and I was able to enjoy a great getaway to Chicago during this time and look what we stumbled upon! It was sooooo fitting for this post! This illustrated exact feeling of being disconnected to my source, my Jesus!
Feel free to like, comment, and share! Ya’ll stay blessed!