Hey everyone! It’s been a while since my last post, so I just wanted to catch you up on what I’ve been up to lately. Well, for starters Happy 1 Year Blogaversary to me! I have had so much to take place within the last year that I have been struggling to keep up with everything myself. I have not been as consistent as I would’ve hoped to be, but I’m learning not to measure my success by what I think should happen (which is based off of how others reached their success), but to measure my success off of myself.
In that sense, I’m proud of me! I said I wanted to created a blog and I did! I said I wanted to touch at least one person, and I have had a couple of people reach out to me to let me know they enjoy reading my post! I said I wanted a way to document my journey of finding myself and my purpose, and now I have it!
Writing has always been therapeutic for me, but I struggled with consistency. Achieving consistency was one of my main goals this year, and as you see I have failed so far. I’ve never been good at failure. I’ve been pondering this whole struggle with consistency thing and it made me realize how I do not consistently take care of myself. Ya’ll follow me now…don’t give up on me! My brain is running now.
When I went natural 5 years ago, I did my hair faithfully every week. I cut my hair to a mini curly fro, and I was sad about it frfr! I made it a goal to grow my hair back out ASAP! So I keep it in protective styles because I wasn’t comfortable with my length. My hair grew so fast just in a year. That second year, I wore my hair out more. I sill was doing my hair weekly with less protective styles, and it grew even more! The 3rd year I slacked off. I didn’t do as much to my hair, but I did enough. My hair was still grew but at a slower rate. The 4th year, I slacked ALL the way off. I rarely deep conditioned my hair, and I hated washing my hair! I remember i didn’t wash my hair for a month straight one time, and my hair was soooooo matted once I finally did. My neck was hurting the next day because of the amount of tugging I had to do to detangle my hair. I promise this is not a post about my hair! Well Tiffany, what are you trying to say?! I’m saying that we, especially me, often hit the ground running. We see the fruits of our labor, but then we, really me, get comfortable. We have all of these ideas and goal we want to see manifest, but we slack up. Then, we stop growing. We stop evolving. We either lose interest, get distracted, or even give up.
For me, it was distraction. I get SO distracted with everyday life it ridiculous. I get so caught up with my kids, trying to be a good wife, trying to be a good Woman of God, trying to be a successful young professional, a good friend, a good….you get the picture. But I NEVER get caught up with being good to myself. Last year when I started my blog, I realized I had so much to say and I wanted an outlet. Since then, I realized that I didn’t want an outlet, but I NEEDED an outlet. I needed a place I could get lost in my mind where I could explore my thoughts in an organized manner. I’ve been knowing I wanted to write a book, but I realized that I am capable (I am currently working on this)! I realized that I have allowed to people to beat up on my personality and pick apart my character for far too long. I realized I started to believe it, and growing to subconsciously hate myself just because the hate I felt around me. I couldn’t write. I felt like i was stuck in a hole constantly asking myself “What are you doing?” and “Why even bother?.” I realized that I was devoting so much of my time to everything and everybody else, and now it’s time to focus on me *in H.E.R. voice*!
I use to avoid my thoughts. I use to avoid exploring them because I never knew where they would lead me. I had a fear of the unknown, which I will discuss in my book! Lately, I have made the conscience decision to let my mind run free, and allow myself to explore myself. It has been rejuvenating to say the least! It has been rewarding in ways I would’ve never imagined. I can write more. I can think clearer. I’m not ashamed of complexity of mind anymore. I’m learning to accept me for me, and build up my self-esteem. I’m done with changing myself just to make others comfortable or to try and please others. I’m learning to be a little more selfish when it comes to taking care of myself and when it comes to my time.
I know there are a lot of good things coming! I can feel it! I tying to line myself up with these blessing so I don’t miss out. I’m getting in position, and now i know that require some boundaries (Thanks HalfieTruths)! I know that everybody struggle in different ways. Don’t just take away that I am a crazy overthinking lunatic out of this! I want to encourage you to find you true self and do whatever it takes to nurture yourself into the best you possible! Don’t let life distract you! Don’t lose sight of where you want to be! Don’t measure your success based off of what you see others doing on social media, but measure yourself off your you! Are you growing? Are you improving? That’s really all that matters!!